When I first met Thomas, I had no idea we would be married one day. I mean, who would want to marry a woman with four completely out of control kids and diagnosed with behavior disorders like ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)?
Every time I included someone I was building a relationship with, my children would be loud, obnoxious and annoying. They fought with each other. They were demanding. It was complete chaos.
But, isn’t that just the way parenting is? Aren’t we all supposed to be exhausted, stressed out and fighting all the time?
The answer is a big fat…NO!
Here’s an example of how a change in approach can change the outcome.
On Thomas’ second or third visit to Canada, it was getting close to bedtime. Terrified of an embarrassing power struggle — that could last for hours — I spoke as nice and calm as possible to my then ADHD and ODD diagnosed child.
“Zachary, it’s time for bed.”
“Aww….” Zachary immediately began to whine and pout wanting more time to play.
What would you do?
Thinking that it was my job to control my ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) son, I would normally go into an authoritative mode and just demand he go to bed.
That was the pattern:
- I’d make a request.
- Zachary would whine.
- I would try to explain why he should go to bed.
- Anxiety will creep into my soul in fear of a major meltdown.
- I’d read Zach a story because that’s what I thought a good mom should do.
- I’d leave the room.
- Zachary would mess around.
- I’d get mad.
- Then, he’d have a major meltdown that could last for hours.
Look at all that energy spent trying to put just one out of four kids to bed? It was for this exact reason I was forced to hire a live-in nanny to help me with the kids. I couldn’t build an at home business and chase my four kids around at the same time.
This night was different. This night was a massive turning point and one of the reasons I’m here writing you this post.
Would you be amazed if I told you that with a fraction of the effort and literally ten seconds, Zachary went to bed all by himself and happy!
And, what if I could give you the same tool so tonight you can have the exact same experience?
Would that be enough to convince you to register for the 7 Day White Belt parenting challenge?
I’ll tell you what…I’ll give you the solution right now so you can see for yourself at bedtime tonight. Deal?
Thomas came into the room at exactly the same time Zachary began to whine, and I was having a panic attack. He asked, “Zachary, would you like to go to bed now with a story, or in ten minutes from now without a story?”
Do you know what Zachary answered?
“Ummmm…in ten minutes without a story….”
Then, instead of spending the hour or two fighting with a six-year-old oppositional defiant child, he spent two minutes teaching Zach a life skill. “Do you know when ten minutes is?”
“See this big hand on the clock?”
“When the big hand goes from where it is to this number…do you know this number?”
“Awesome! Look how smart you are!!! When the big hand gets to the seven, it will be ten minutes. Deal?”
I thought to myself, “Bahahahahaha! As if…!” But, lo and behold, when ten minutes was up, Zachary came running up the stairs with a smile on his face! He gave us both a big hug and went running up the stairs to bed. I didn’t hear from him until the morning!!!
Isn’t that amazing!?! Change the cause, change the result….
Here’s the new pattern:
- Thomas gave Zachary a choice.
- Zachary made a choice.
- Thomas took two minutes to teach Zachary exactly what to do to be successful on his own.
- Zachary went to bed.
Honestly…if I knew how to talk to kids in an empowering, loving and guiding way, in a way they would listen cooperatively and happily, I wouldn’t have needed a nanny at all! I could have saved myself $75,000 just in nanny fees!
Not only that, I would have had happier, more confident kids. It breaks my heart that I didn’t know this when my children were younger. The things we’ve been through…the heartache and hurt that could have been prevented if only I understood that fear-based parenting creates fear conscious children.
All anger, jealousy, and self-pity are caused by an underlying fear.
Fear of judgment.
Fear of failure.
Fear of loss.
It is 100% certainty that fear will lead to chaos and ruined relationships.
The relationship between you and your child or each of your children is unique. There is no other like it in the world. And, great news! There are certain universal laws that govern our universe and our relationships that, when followed, will produce harmony and love and joy.
The law of cause and effect is one and is probably the most important universal truth that affects our environment and lives — when we give love, we get love!
Can you invest just twenty minutes a day for seven days in a row to learn a few tools that can only add positive results in the relationship you have with your child or teenager?
Can you see how just a small difference in approach helped Zachary begin to feel like his life has a purpose?
You can help your child let that inner champion come to the surface too. You have the arsenal. All you need is the awareness and we’ve mapped it all out for you!
A few comments from our clients:
“My 18-year-old is using some of the CCFL lingo I felt she was ignoring. I am creating a Champion! Challenging at times, feel like giving up at times, however, when I hear and see little flowers growing, no matter where we started with CCFL, it makes me feel empowered and confident that I am helping her be the best she can be in her journey through life and dreams. Thank you, Tom and Bonnie Liotta, for giving me the encouragement and coaching to help “keep on keeping on!” ~ Filomena Agostini — Long Island, New York ~
“Hi, Bonnie…Giorgio is doing soooo good in the new school. He is so happy and we are just extremely overjoyed! 😇🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🌞” ~ Marta Leone — Chicago, Illinois ~