Do you believe your teenager wakes up in the morning thinking, “How can I upset my amazing mom today? Hmmm…maybe I’ll lie to her.”
Just like you, your teenager wishes for acceptance for who they are. This can be difficult for most parents.
Don’t you agree that we have expectations of who we think our children and teenagers should be and what they act like and what they should wear?
Let’s say your teenager skipped class to go to the local coffee shop with some friends. In his mind, it’s not big deal. They weren’t really doing much in class anyways.
A friend of yours sees your teenager at the coffee shop. She immediately sends you a text. “I just saw your kid. Shouldn’t he be in class?”
Your teenager is exploring his/her independence. I don’t even know your child but I promise you there are definitely things they do not ever want you to know! Gosh, don’t you remember what it was like to be a teenager?
It’s common knowledge that all lies stem from fear. Fear of loss. Fear of judgment. Fear of failure. Fear of loss of love. Fear of being not good enough.
In this case, it just makes sense that your teenager would feel fear of judgment and loss. After all, authoritative parenting means to get angry and punish. Right?
This outdated parenting style is putting us against our teenagers rather than on the same team.
If your teenager is under your roof obeying your rules, your teenager is going to lie! It’s simple cause and effect. Fear causes lies.
What can you do so your teenager can have boundaries and be encouraged enough to trust you to tell you the truth?
What is the benefit for your teenager when they do tell you the truth?
See if this makes sense for you…
Make a decision to accept your teenager for who he/she is as an individual.
Accept what they choose to wear, how they do their hair, and what they choose to do in their free time.
Give them some feeling of control and power over their own life.
After all, the bible says in Mark 11:24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Yet, we tell our children no when they do ask us to help them get what they want.
Do what Jesus did when he led us by example; ask tons of questions.
Ask them questions like “When you go out tonight, will you be home at 10:30, 11:00 or by 12:00?” Or when there’s a certain friend you don’t like ask, “What is it you like best about hanging out with Timmy?”
When you ask your teenager non-intrusive and non-judgmental questions, you’re on track to raising a teenager who will open up to you and tell you the truth.
In fact, create an environment that makes them feel truly empowered and they’ll tell you everything!
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